Bruises, Barriers, and Blind Feminists: Denial of Parental Alienation Hurts us All by Monika

Prior to 1985 people went through divorces. The couples that could not divorce amicably manifested similar patterns, just as they do today. Also, prior to 1985 women obtained custody more often than men. Keep in mind that divorces in the 1980s, similar to today, had a portion that were high conflict. When Garder started observing these cases (not causing the high-conflict, just observing) he noted that, “in about 85% to 90% of the cases the mother was the alienating parent and the father the targeted parent.” Gardner’s work in the 1980s reflected the court system and societal changes, not his personal agenda. Yet, some cannot understand this. He noted, “And I, as the person who first wrote on the phenomenon, was viewed as being biased against women and as being “sexist.” No one denies that PAS may have misconstrued in some cases and that children’s alienation has been utilized as a cover-up and diversionary maneuver designed to deflect exposure of their abuse/neglect (Gardner,2002). Do the painful tragedies of the few but often true, outweigh the heartbreak and mental demise of the majority of children that are in the middle of custody battles? High Conflict divorces makes up about 10% (Center for Divorce Education). We should not ignore this 10%.

As a woman and feminist, I recently reviewed the Power and Control Wheel; I might have missed something during my time at a women’s shelter. Part of the Wheel includes “Using Children” where the children are used to relay messages, visitations are spent harassing, and children are used as threats (that they might be taken away). In PA a parent continues harassing and controlling the ex-partner by manipulating the children to turn against the parent. Parental Alienation shares a lot of commonalities. As a starter, both have vindictive ex-spouses. In both PA and Domestic violence, children are placed in the middle and ultimately both have children that are living without a parent. In PA a parent continues harassing and controlling the ex-partner by manipulating the children to turn against the parent. This controlling element, as I recall, also occurs in DV. Denying PA is to deny mental abuse of children. What about manipulation? You may not be bruised and the kids may not be bruised, so the “proof” might be hard to bring up in court. Thus, if one does not have a bruise, you must not have endured DV? What about internal scars of children?

Lastly, I thought Feminist theory included that all types of oppression were recognized? This means both women and men. Is not having your child turned against you a form of oppression? I would think every feminist should be angered by the possibility of having a child turned against them without just cause. Yet, some may believe that any “weak” woman would not let this happen. Do we not advocate for the disadvantaged women as well? Do not think your above having your ex-spouse out purchase you and manipulate your kids with material gifts. What about the disadvantaged men? I thought feminist theory utilized an egalitarian approach to logic? This includes both women and men that espouse feminist theory.